Unabridged Presidential Dictionary
2003 Special New Word Edition (selected excerpts)
- Aqudextrous
- - Possessing the ability to turn the bathtub faucet on and off with your toes.
- Blamestorming
- - Sitting around in a group discussing why a deadline was missed or a project failed and who was responsible.
- Buyagra
- - Injectable stimulant taken prior to shopping. Increases potency and duration of spending spree.
- Disconfect
- - To sterilize the piece of candy you dropped on the floor by blowing on it, assuming that somehow it will 'remove' all the germs.
- Elbonics
- - The actions of two people maneuvering for one armrest in a movie theater.
- Emptynestrogen
- - Highly effective suppository that eliminates melancholy by enhancing the memory of how awful they were as teenagers and how you couldn't wait till they moved out.
- Intaxication
- - Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you realize it was your money to start with.
- Irritainment
- - Entertainment and media spectacles that are annoying but you find yourself unable to stop watching them.
- Karmageddon
- - It's like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's like, a serious bummer.
- Lactomangulation
- - Manhandling the 'open here' spout on a milk container so badly that one has to resort to the 'illegal' side.
- Osteopornosis
- - A degenerate disease.
- Peppier
- - The waiter at a fancy restaurant whose sole purpose seems to be walking around asking diners if they want ground pepper.
- Peptobimbo
- - Liquid silicone for single women. Two full cups swallowed before an evening out increases breast size, decreases intelligence, and improves flirting.
- Phonesia
- - The affliction of dialing a phone number and forgetting whom you were calling just as they answer.
- Reintarnation
- - Coming back to life as a redneck.
- Sexcedrin
- - Most effective in treating the, "Not now, dear, I have a headache," syndrome.
- St. Mama's Wort
- - Plant extract that treats mom's depression by rendering preschoolers unconscious for up to six hours.
- Telecrastination
- - The act of always letting the phone ring at least twice before you pick it up, even when you're only six inches away.
- Umfriend
- - A sexual relation of dubious standing. example "This is ...., my...um...friend."
-anonymous
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